the language
of matrescence
Words for a becoming that mostly goes unspoken
Matrescence is not only something to understand intellectually, it is lived and felt.
It isn’t just something to learn about, it’s something to speak of.
Often the hardest part is not the feelings themselves, it’s the lack of words, and having no ready sentence to reach for.
Matrescence holds contradictions:
It can be expansive and disorienting, beautiful and brutal,
tender and overwhelming - all at once.
And yet the vocabulary we’re handed is thin:
congratulations, enjoy every moment, sleep when the baby sleeps.
The word matrescence helps us understand the experience,
The language of matrescence helps us express it.
This is an excerpt from “The Language of Matrescence”.
The full version is available as a free PDF download at the bottom of this page.
You might say:
“This feels bigger than I expected,
in ways I can't fully explain."
"I am becoming someone new,
even if I don't have the words for it yet."
"Some days feel I’m getting somewhere and some feel heavy.
I'm learning to hold both."
"I love her, and I miss my old life.
Both are true."
"I don't need advice today,
I could do with some company."
If you are in it
You might say:
“I see how much you're holding, even when you don't say it."
"You don't have to have it figured out."
"This is a big transition, and you're allowed to feel all of it."
"You are still you, even as things change."
"I'm here, in whatever way you need."
If you don't know what to say, keep it simple:
"I'm thinking of you."
"I'm here."
"You're not alone in this."
There is no perfect way to say this.
What matters is that it is felt, and that it is said.
If you are supporting someone
For a card or message
You might write:
“There is so much happening beneath the surface right now, even if it’s hard to name, it matters”
“You are moving through something profound,
even on the days it doesn’t feel that way”
“This version of you is still unfolding,
there is no rush to arrive anywhere”
"A baby was born, so was a mother.
I'm thinking of you both, but mostly you."
Some language can unintentionally
minimise, or devalidate what a mother is going through,
leaving her feeling unseen.
Most people aren’t thoughtless,
They just inherited the old script.
How's the baby?
How's the mother?
How’s he sleeping?
How are you sleeping?
You must be so happy.
How are you finding it ...really?
Enjoy every moment.
It’s ok to not enjoy every minute.
Let me know if you need anything x
I'm dropping dinner at six, no need to reply x
Look at how much he’s grown!
Look at who you’re becoming!
Welcome to the world.
Welcome to matrescence.
More examples can be found
inside the full free PDF download
of “the Language of Matrescence” below
Women walk through the door
of matrescence every day.
May we walk with them
and learn to speak the language
of this becoming.
If you are looking for a more considered way to express this moment, you can explore you can explore cards for the birth of a mother at
Thank you for using, sharing, and gifting the language of matrescence
The language of matrescence
belongs to mothers.
It is both a deeply personal
yet shared experience,
and the language for it is emerging, growing, evolving.
If you would like to add your words to share with others,
please submit the form below.
Entries will be published on The Living Language of Matrescence blog at a future time.
The Living Language
of Matrescence
A home for the language of matrescence.
Language grows through use.
The Living Language of Matrescence is a home for the words people use to describe the experience of becoming a mother.
You might share a single word, a sentence, a metaphor, a poem fragment, a question, or a story.
There is no right way to contribute.
Submissions will be gathered and collated into the Living Language of Matrescence page, creating an evolving record of the words, stories, and expressions emerging from matrescence.